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Meandering Vaguely Around Timnah

Collected things from around the internet. You may find them interesting.

I swear to every heaven ever imagined,
if I hear one more dead-eyed hipster
tell me that art is dead, I will personally summon Shakespeare
from the grave so he can tell them every reason
why he wishes he were born in a time where
he could have a damn Gmail account.
The day after I taught my mother
how to send pictures over Iphone she texted
me a blurry image of our cocker spaniel ten times in a row.
Don’t you dare try to tell me that that is not beautiful.
But whatever, go ahead and choose to stay in
your backwards-hoping-all-inclusive club
while the rest of us fall in love over Skype.
Send angry letters to state representatives,
as we record the years first sunrise so
we can remember what beginning feels like when
we are inches away from the trigger.
Lock yourself away in your Antoinette castle
while eat cake and tweet to the whole universe that we did.
Hashtag you’re a pretentious ass hole.
Van Gogh would have taken 20 selflies a day.
Sylvia Plath would have texted her lovers
nothing but heart eyed emojis when she ran out of words.
Andy Warhol would have had the worlds weirdest Vine account,
and we all would have checked it every morning while we
Snap Chat our coffee orders to the people
we wish were pressed against our lips instead of lattes.
This life is spilling over with 85 year olds
rewatching JFK’s assassination and
7 year olds teaching themselves guitar over Youtube videos.
Never again do I have to be afraid of forgetting
what my fathers voice sounds like.
No longer must we sneak into our families phonebook
to look up an eating disorder hotline for our best friend.
No more must I wonder what people in Australia sound like
or how grasshoppers procreate.
I will gleefully continue to take pictures of tulips
in public parks on my cellphone
and you will continue to scoff and that is okay.
But I hope, I pray, that one day you will realize how blessed
you are to be alive in a moment where you can google search
how to say I love you in 164 different languages.

About Americans not having maternity leave: It's true, we don't. I'm in high school, and my science teacher was working on HER DUE DATE because she can't afford to miss a day. The only reason she hasn't given birth on the classroom floor is because we got a student teacher last class. I asked her how much time she and her husband would take off to spend with the baby, and she said she has 9 sick days left. That's all she's spending. Not even 2 weeks with her child before she works again.

Breaking: Major Parties Surprised at Results of Own Incompetence

The major parties are apparently “reeling” from various losses made to UKIP in the local elections last night.

To which I can only say: what are you all so surprised about? You bloody started it! How can you believe you can spend years and years race baiting, locking people up for being a bit foreign, whipping up fear about immigration and promising to “crack down” on stuff that isn’t a problem and you can’t do anything about, before people would believe you? What sort of message did you think sticking someone like Phil Woolas in charge of borders would send? What message do you think deporting Yashika Bageerathi sends? If you think it isn’t “if you agree with UKIP you’re right” then you’ve fundamentally misunderstood your own job and should go have a long think about precisely why someone so stupid should be allowed to keep doing a job they are clearly very bad at.

How can you think you can keep up a nudge-nudge-wink-wink connection with the racist geriatrics in your party before they get poached by someone who’s going to give a more distinct voice to their ill-informed fears and prejudices?

How long did you think letting hack tabloid myths about bendy bananas, the EU banning chips, and immigrants nicking swans go uncorrected would work for you? How long did you think you could ride that wave of ignorance into an electoral result of “ohh better vote Labour/Tory because it’s safe and they’ll protect us from the nasty forrins,” before a party came along whose raison d’etre was “the forrins are all nasty” to piss on your chips?

You’ve been lying to people and those lies have taken root, and now suddenly it’s not so nice for you any more, is it? You stupid fucks. You did it to yourselves and I’ve not an ounce of sympathy for your crocodile tears about UKIP stealing votes from you.